THE WIZARD BEHIND THE CURTAIN

"When the devil can't find you, he'll send a narcissist." Author Unknown

When I was in elementary school, I was exposed to chicken pox.

I don’t remember much about the pox virus or its tell-tale itchy whelps.

However, I do vividly recall one very specific memory around this event.

Ready for it?

Dah, dah, duuuuhhnnnnn…

I wasn’t allowed to attend Sunday School.

cymbal clash……wah, wah,wah……

Bear with me.

I was around 10 years old, and Sunday School was my whole world outside of regular school.

It was my community! A place to learn, participate in activities, and build friendships.

They even served punch and cookies.

At 10, that was everything I ever needed!

I was beyond devasted that I had to stay home.

So, my mom in her best effort to pacify an overly irritated, calamine-polka-dotted-monster, seduced me into staying in with a giant bowl of popcorn and The Wizard of Oz premiere on tv.

As I’m sure you know, the story of the Wizard of Oz, chronicles the adventures of a young farm girl named Dorothy in the land of Oz after she and her dog, Toto, are swept away from their home in Kansas by a tornado. After landing in Oz, she embarks on a journey with three new friends to meet the Wizard who can return her to home and fulfill the other’s wishes.

The scene that sticks out to me now is, the Wizard, who was portrayed as an impressive, intimidating ego that convinced an entire community to worship him.

That is, until, little Toto, pulls the curtain and exposes the magician operating a variety of pulleys and levers projecting a grandiose and fiery image of himself while Dorothy and her posse watch with mouths gaping open.

When Dorothy finally finds her voice and speaks up for herself, the Wizard (in an effort to cover his tracks) gives the Scarecrow a brain, The Lion a heart and The Tin Man courage. Ironically, all things missing in the wizard himself. He then offers Dorothy a ride back to Kansas with him.

But in the wizard’s narcissistic self-absorption, the balloon leaves without her.

And there we have, an introduction to Gaslighting.

Merriam-Webster defines gaslighting (noun) as the psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one’s emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator. Gaslighting is a very effective tool for the abuser to control on individual. It’s done slowly so the victim writes off the event as a one-off oddity and doesn’t realize they are being groomed into control and manipulation.

So, what does it look like in the real world?

GASLIT

In the beginning you will think you’ve met your soulmate

Elated at how much you have in common

But the reality is you’re only falling in love with yourself

The narcissist is a master of illusion

He’ll exaggerate his career, his value, his wealth

Seduced you with his charm and self-proclaimed superior achievements

But his true self is locked away in a cage

And his false self is built entirely on lies and deceit

Truth doesn’t exist in his world

He is possessed by a demon

The demon reality of his authentic self

He has no concept how to be in a relationship

Will drug you with intensity

There will be future faking

Promises of everything you’ve ever dreamed of

There will be love bombing

Mirroring all your interests

All used to condition until you are fully invested

There is no moral compass

He will tear down your self-esteem

He will intermittently reward you with all your favorites things

Only to withhold affection to create confusion

You will behave in ways that go against your core values

For fear of losing the charade

You’ll slowly become a puppet

Your mood dependent on his accolades or punishments

Your beautiful and vibrant personality will wither and die

Anxiety and depression will consume your thoughts

Your boundaries will be ignored

Your flaws, secrets, and vulnerabilities used against you

You will feel manipulated and constantly confused

Self-doubt will cripple you

You'll become incapable of making decisions

Feel inadequate and unlovable

Till you become a shell of yourself

But oh sweet girl, now you know.

“What a world. What a world!

Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness.” The Wizard in the Wizard of Oz

EMH2022