ONE FOOT IN, ONE FOOT OUT

"The path of awakening is not about becoming who you are. Rather about unbecoming who you are not." Albert Schweitzer

Some days I am empty, and the wind blows through me.

Other days I am strong, protected by the storms.

On the difficult days, when the world is on my shoulders,

I need a reminder that diamonds are made under the weight of mountains.

The wind whistles through me, lifting small clouds of dust.

Some deadwood blows away and some debris shifts and stays.

I allow it to flow through but won’t let it consume me.

Immense waves of grief, gently wash over.

Drowning for a moment with these sobs in my chest.

The pain rolls down my cheeks with aching memories.

Then I take deep breaths and calm myself.

Breathe.

Just breathe.

Find comfort in knowing I’ve survived the worst.

I’m not ashamed to admit the vulnerable parts.

Some people survive to talk about it.

Some survive and go silent.

Everyone is entitled to their own way without anyone's judgement.

My faith gave me power to turn my trauma to growth.

I’ll keep repeating truths till they are more real than the parts that aren’t.

Recognizing I’m taking steps to save my own life.

The me that was, is not me anymore.

Someday the gift will be turning pain into power.

Sadness will become strength; these wounds will be wisdom.

I am not broken.

I don’t need to be fixed.

I have endured my trauma and now I need time to heal.

PTSD has given me humility, knowledge, and compassion.

Sometimes I catch a glance of who I used to be, a blurred reflection looking back at me.

I can’t suppress it.

I’ll never forget it.

But I’m trying to process so I can move on.

Like a flower in the desert, I had to grow.

In the cruelest weather, holding on to every drop of rain.

Someday I will bloom again beneath a blazing sun.

Revealing all the beautiful colors of what I’ve become.

EMH2022