HOLIDAY HUSTLE

“Be bold enough to use your voice, brave enough to listen to your heart, and strong enough to live the life you’ve always imagined.” Author Unknown

Pies are baking. Christmas trees are being decorated. Family is coming to town. It’s the holiday season! The time of year that can bring joy and fun to our homes – but it can also make some sad, over stimulated by crowds, bright lights, loud noises, and left feeling anxious and depressed.

For many the holidays are mixed with sadness and anxiety, missing deceased loved ones, going through a divorce, grieving the loss of job, medical challenges, left with feelings of how can I possibly celebrate? Putting up holiday decorations and having a day off is not a magical fix for those dealing with trauma. As a matter of fact, it can be destabilizing when your normal routine is disrupted.

The first step is to accept you may not approach the holidays like everyone else and that is entirely ok! Give yourself permission to embrace your recovery process and grace when you don’t feel like being festive. It's important to plan ahead for any potential low points in the season and have a fall back plan in place with activities that you find distracting, calming and enjoyable.

Here’s a few things I’m doing this year.

1. Make space for memories and stuff the turkey not your feelings!

• You don’t have to pretend that nothing is wrong. Be proactive about how you are feeling.

• Have an open conversation with family and friends regarding your comfort level and how you can engage/how long you are able to participate and remain in a healthy head space.

• Have an exit strategy. You are never obligated to do anything you don't want to or longer than you desire. And you do not have to feel guilty. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are leaving. Having an escape plan is for your sense of peace, not for anyone else.

• Keep a journal of the moments that make you anxious.

• Talk to a trusted friend, family member or counselor ahead of events.

• Honor the memory of loved one by incorporating heirloom dishes, making their favorite recipe, creating a special memorial space.

• Take time for yourself. Say yes when you can and embrace that it is ok to say no.

• Have a great book on hand that you've been looking forward to reading.

• Bubble baths by candlelight are my absolute personal favorite.

• Write and mail a letter to a friend or family member thanking them for their support.

• Cuddle up in a cozy blanket with a bowl of popcorn and have a funny movie marathon.

• Have friends and family forward their favorite up-beat songs and make a happy song playlist. Put some cozy pjs on and sing or dance along in your kitchen. Another personal favorite!

• Treat yourself to an inspirational/special mug and enjoy a cup of warm calming tea or hot cocoa. Do it up! Google fun recipes.

• Get outside and find inspiration taking a hike or crafting with items you find in nature.

• As much as I hate working out, I always feel so much better after a yoga class or group workout.

• Walt Whitman said it best, whatever you do....“Do anything that produces joy!”

2. Focus on the relationships in your life today.

No family in town? Cook a dish and surprise a co-worker or neighbor with a yummy home-made creation. Giving comfort to others allows us to be comforted in return.

3. Release and let go of the pressure to do everything.

Prioritize. Do what you can do. Don’t have time to bake a pie? No big deal, buy one and throw a bow on it if you have some ribbon laying around.

4. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.

Painful emotions are far less likely to bubble up when your cozy, comfortable and having a good time. But if they do, let yourself be sad. Let yourself be angry. Allow yourself to mourn. Give yourself permission to feel "all the things."

It really all comes down to this. The holidays are hard. For everyone. Even in the best of times.

Holidays are never gong to be perfect. You may have a bad day and be short with someone you love in a moment your patience is worn thin. You may even completely fall apart. While I'm confident that won't happen, it's okay if it does and the world will not come to an end. Healing is a process. Nobody gets it right 100% of the time. The best thing to do if something does go wrong is to practice self-kindness and cut yourself some slack. See #1. Pick something from the "Do anything that produces joy" list and start all over again.

You got this.

Blessings this holiday season to you and yours.